The Giving Tree

Yes, yes, you've heard it all before - season of giving (but stay grounded as less is the new more), help those less fortunate, buy more stuff, keep it green and save the earth. How to make it all work for you?

Over the past few years, my family has gradually transitioned away from the receiving and more towards the giving. Notice the words "gradually transitioned." These decisions did not happen overnight, nor did the new actions. We try to keep reminding each other of the journey we're on towards being better stewards of our land and communities.

Now, let's be honest. This stuff is not easy to enact or to maintain. First, you can suddenly sound like your neighborhood prosthelytizer if all conversations around gift buying turn into your litany about how much waste is generated each holiday season with wrapping paper and ribbon. Second, it's amazing how a gift exchange can go sour when everyone fakes excitement at the sight of your unwrapped compact flourescent light bulbs. Third, we'd be lying if we said it's not fun to receive gifts. Of course it is. The question is, how much and from whom?

For me, I've tried a variety of simple ways to introduce a greater respect for our world into my family's gift giving traditions. As we celebrate Chanukah, a holiday that lasts for eight nights, we designate at least one night for others who are less fortunate and donate the money we would have spent on gifts for ourselves to a community-based organization. My kids are also asked at the end of the eight nights to donate one of the gifts that they received so a local child will not go without something special. This year we're adding a new change. My kids are very aware of the implications of their actions on the greater world in which we live. My son and I read in the paper about how much waste was generated through holiday wrapping materials. We decided together to ditch the paper; we'll reuse gift bags we've stashed from gifts we received to present our gifts.

Beyond my family, I've also tried to initiate a change in giving styles amongst friends, with varied results. A group that gets together to cook and eat routinely during the year has been doing a gift exchange for a number of years. A few years ago I suggested we take the $25 per person budget and donate the money to an organization working towards eradicating hunger and malnutrition. We could research different groups together and find one that suits us all. The group decided they enjoyed giving and receiving by and for each other. I struggled for a long time over what to do. These were supposed to be my friends. I prided myself on not making people feel uncomfortable and pushing my agenda on others. However, I had come to a point in my life where I felt very strongly against this type of exchange. It just seemed unnecessary to me. My solution? The first year I participated so as not to "rock the boat." The second year, I brought it up again and it was ignored. I lost sleep for a few nights until I came up with a solution that worked for me. I would donate the budgeted amount to a group working to end hunger and requested the others to do their gift exchange first. I would then join in for lunch once they were done. It seemed to make them feel more at ease and for now is something I can live with.

On the flip side, my book group also does a gift exchange. Last year I proposed we consider a change for this year. Since we all love to read, let's each bring a new book and give them to a local school to help promote reading in young children. The group embraced the idea. We're also going to exchange gifts with each other. Again, gradual transition. This definitely feels like something I can live with.